Why do I let her get to me??? Why do I care?? She has to be the single most damaged human being I know and for some reason I STILL expect her to act sane. Guess that makes me insane..............isn't there some quote somewhere that says, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing the same way over and over again and expecting different results" ??? Hey that applies to weight loss as well..........
But anyway, I really need to vent about my MIL before I talk about my weight loss efforts and set-backs. Is that ok???
She is the only grandmother my daughter has b/c my mom is deceased. So, part of me wishes to cultivate a relationship between the two but I have a lot of trouble doing that b/c I can't trust her. See, she did BAD things to all five of her children, but mostly the oldest two boys, one which happens to be my husband. The two banded together and took all their frustration and anger out on the third son. He was their punching bag when they couldn't strike out at their mother. The along came the two girls and the three boys protected them from most of her physical abuse. However, mom was still able to be mentally and emotionally abusive. By time the girls came along, the two oldest boys had begun fighting back, so she was no longer in control. Her life is lived by being in control of everyone and everything around her so this royally ticked her off. Dad traveled a lot and never knew until much, much later what she had been doing.
Many doctors, pills and therapy sessions later (plus age) has tempered her somewhat. Yes, she is still manipulative, yes she holds grudges and gets angry easily, yes, she will ignore you or make snide remarks about you behind your back to whomever will listen. However, her two girls, who let "grandma" watch their children INSIST that she is much more stable and wishes to make up for her past by trying to be "Grandma of the Year." They say that she is good with their kids and that they trust her to watch their kids.
I can't trust her. And I won't let her watch my daughter unless her husband, my FIL, is with her. My husband supports this decision. See, I imagine a future in which my daughter has been abused in some form or fashion and she asked me why I kept sending her to NaNa's. I imagine my MIL poisoning my daughter with her hate and spite. I imagine how awful I would feel if something happened to her and I could have prevented it. So, no, I won't let her watch my daughter by herself. Just when I start to think that I would like her to be a part of Riley's life she goes and does something else crazy.
Case in point: What this whole blog has been leading up to. My in-laws have been watching my future sister-in-laws two children for a week. They are 7 and 3. We had not seen the kids all week b/c of work and such. So, we asked them if they would like to get together on Saturday and let the three kids play together. My MIL could be heard in the background saying, "I am not going to their house. I won't." She has not been to our house in months b/c she is mad at us for not letting her watch Riley. Whatever. So, FIL was going to come over and bring the kids. Then I heard about a fair that was going on at our local "Y". There was going to be all kinds of events and so I thought we should go there. Good idea--all three kids could play, jump on the bounce houses, ride the ponies, get their faces painted etc...
When we got there, the in-laws were already there. Riley ran up behind NaNa and hugged her really hard. It knocked her forward a little and she turned around angry. I said, "Sorry. She is excited to see you." She did not hug Riley. She did not lean over to talk to her. She did not change from angry to happy to see her. She just simply said, "I guess so" and turned away. Then she turned back and asked Riley, "Did you bring your sock monkey?" (She made her one for Easter). Riley said, "No" and then she took the two kids and walked away and they did their thing and we did ours. So much for hanging out with the kids.
We were suppose to lunch with them as well. It started to rain and they took off. We called them to find them. They didn't answer the phone and then when they finally answered it MIL hung up on my husband. They changed their mind and didn't want to go out to eat so we got to see the kids all of 5 minutes.
Hubby invited them over to the house today to grill. I don't know if MIL will come or not and I don't care. My heart breaks for Riley. Why should I encourage a relationship between the two of them when she ignores or mistreats my daughter to get back at me!?!?!?!? And that is what she is doing.
Other things she has done:
1.)She has no pictures of Riley displayed in her house. NONE. Even though I have given her plenty. She doesn't b/c she is mad at us.
2.) Let her cat and dog RUIN the carpet in the bedroom at our house the stayed in for EIGHT long months. They have not offered to fix it and now the flooring in that area has to be replaced b/c the cat smell is so bad.
3.) When she did laundry at my house, she would take my wet laundry out, put it in a basket and either leave it there (not dry it or hang it) or put it back in the washer wet when she was done. This was after she moved out and was borrowing our washer and dryer. (Now, doesn't common sense dictate that if you are BORROWING something from someone you show your appreciation by being careful with their things??)
4.) When she met my future SIL for the FIRST time she bashed me down one side and up the other.
5.) My daughter got burned at a restaurant last summer. (A waitress dropped a cup of hot coffee on her head). When we rushed to the bathroom to put cold water on her, my MIL followed and started RUBBING her head. I told her to stop and when she didn't my hubby forcibly pulled her away. (She was rubbing off skin.) Here my daughter was in trauma and MIL got her feelings hurt and took off down the road and got her self lost. So, instead of the family being able to follow us to the hospital and making sure DD was safe, they were driving up and down streets looking for my MIL. Then she cried and made herself the victim and had an "asthma" attack all b/c she was "so upset".
She's crazy I tell you. Absolutely insane. When I confronted her about the laundry, she hung up on me like we were still in high school.
UGH
Anyway, all this to lead up to the fact that yesterday, food -wise, SUCKED. But onward this morning with strength and perseverance. Wish me luck.
Sorry for the book.
(Oh and my daughter's face is fine. A small scar still on her forehead.)
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3 comments:
Hi Tricia -
I feel your pain! Listen, I hope I can bring a smile to your face with a new book I've written called, The Daughter-in-Law Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-in-Law! I'll send you a copy, of course. (This might just save your sanity!)
With warmest wishes,
Sally Shields
"The MIL Manager!"
and author of, The Daughter-in-Law Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-in-Law!
Wow,she sounds like a real nutball! You are absolutely right not to let her watch your daughter! Who cares if the old bag gets mad!
(This is why I keep a 6 hour buffer zone between me and my family! Hehe!)
Don't worry about sucking on your diet...we all have days like that!
So, instead of the family being able to follow us to the hospital and making sure DD was safe, they were driving up and down streets looking for my MIL. Then she cried and made herself the victim and had an "asthma" attack all b/c she was "so upset".
WoW!! Those 2 sentences accurately sum up My Monster-In-Law. She deliberately starts little arguments, usually right before my husband leaves work, then calls him crying so then he's mad as hell at me when he gets home. Things have gotten better in the last year as he sees exactly what she is doing. She is jealous of everything I have. Envious to the point of laughing at me for what I am wearing, deliberately giving me really bad advice, encourages me to make decisions she knows will make my husband angry. I know she is envious bc, not to be conceded, but I know how to dress, fix myself up, and I know I look good. She's laughing while the rest of the room is heading and/or looking my way. People tell me to overlook her. It's easier said than done, especially when she called child protection when my son was an infant with slanderous lies that ruined my reputation in her circles(who cares) and almost caused me to lose my husband and son. Shame. Shame. Shame on that woman who professes to be a "Christian" and regularly attends church 3+ times a week bc she A) needs something or B) catch up on everyone's dirty laundry!!!
Erin Vickery
St Matthews, SC
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