Kicking butt but sad

Weird how emotions seem to rule my day. I feel so "roller-coaster-y" today. One minute I am feeling psyched and pumped and ready to go and then the next I remember that my marriage is falling apart.

Today was the first day back to school after Spring Break. Hubby did ABSOLUTELY nothing with DD and I while we were off. I asked. I begged. I had her ask. Nada. But come Friday night and he hopped into his friend's convertible and went out for drinks, dinner and a movie. A man date.

I didn't say this in my earlier post from two Friday's ago b/c I was embarrassed. The night I got in the fender bender my husband didn't stay home with me. He went out with his buddy mentioned above. Now technically I wasn't hurt. I had a huge headache from the stress of the whole thing, I was worried about the van and DD. It was scary and I was still a little shaken.

I wanted him to WANT to stay home and baby me. He did not. I even told him I wanted him to stay home. I cried. He left. I felt so dejected and downhearted and abandoned. That's the night I went to Chili's---with a headache, with a HEARTache and ate a TON of chips. Just me and my daughter. I felt like crying the whole time. SIGH.

Tonight he did something to my daughter that broke my heart. He was laying down with his dog (who is elderly and really going down hill.) He has has this dog since college and it is breaking his heart that she is dying. DD came up and was jealous of daddy hugging Cinco. So said, "Daddy I want you to hold me." And he told her no, that he was holding the damn, stupid dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have nothing against Cinco, but he just basically told my daughter the dog was more important. It was mean. And I wanted to kick him really hard. Seriously wanted to kick him. DD was there so I did not. I bit my tongue b/c I didn't want to make a big deal about it in front of her.

Then later I was upstairs bathing DD and putting her to bed. I yelled down to him b/c I wanted him to quickly check the weather for tomorrow on his laptop so I could lay out clothes for her. I called his name. No answer. I could hear him playing some video on his laptop. I called again louder in case he didn't hear me. No answer. Again. No answer. I got louder and angry and yelled his name once more. And he finally answered, "I'm working. I thought maybe you could have been able to tell that." How was I suppose to know??? He watches youtube videos constantly so how was I suppose to know he was watching work related stuff. He completely ignored me calling his name. Made me feel insignificant. Not even worth answering.

It does NOT help that it is TOM time. So I am probably over reacting! But the issues are still there.

Anyway, this blog is suppose to be about weight loss................ I have started the 9 -day IsaGenix cleanse. I am hoping to lose some weight and to kick start my weight loss and metabolism. Otherwise, I am giving up. (and no that is not TOM speaking)

SIGH

Thanks for "listening" oh multitude of people out there. If you pray, pray for me and my family.