I'm stressed and showing it.................

Is it really only Wednesday???

I feel like I have lived enough in three days for three weeks. I am stressed out. So much is going on right now that I find it hard to focus on one thing at a time and therefore my food choices have SUCKED.

1.) My dad is sick. The latest: His esophagus is blocked by something and he can't eat or drink. However, his lungs are so weak with the pneumonia that they don't want to scope it out b/c they are afraid he'd go into respiratory distress. If that happened they were afraid they would have to put him on a ventilator and that he might not be able to come off of it. He hasn't eaten in days (like 5) and he has been in ICU for 7. And not eating is messing up his diabetes. (Vicious cycle)

2.) This week is the big End Of Grade Tests (EOG) in our state (NC). I have prepared my students as much as I can, however, I want them to succeed so badly and I ache for those who struggle. Also, the last few weeks I reviewed all the necessary skills and it has been intensive; for me and the students. But the last two days, with only one more to god thank goodness, I have walked and paced my room for three hours straight while watching the kids test. We have to be on constant alert for problems as they test. I only sat down twice today---both times for about 3 minutes.

3.) My husband is having trouble at work and we are a cross-roads. He can stay and be miserable and possibly get fired (the boss dislikes him) OR look for another job (which he has sent his resume out to see what is out there) OR start his own business (which of course has its own possible pitfalls). He has wanted to start his own biz for a long time....... So stressed out on the future of our little family.

4.) I start (TOM)b next week so I know I am bloated and hormonal and edgy but I feel completely out of control food wise. There was so much food at school the last couple of days b/c they were feeding the volunteers-----donuts, granola bars, coffee, bagels.........ugh. I DID walk away from everything but a granola bar on Tuesday but ate 1/4 of a donut today. Luckily it was gross or I probably would have eaten the whole thing. But I will take a victory where ever I can.

5.) I have only lost 12 pounds since Feb!!! Twelve pounds in 4 months!!! That's NOTHING! I feel like such a failure. I am so frustrated and tired.

6.) ONE GOOD THING: I have managed to work out for 5 days last week and already 3 this week. I have that part mostly under control. I am still not sure what I am doing though. Should I be changing it up more? How long is long enough? Should I add weights? Which ones? How much? How often? Arms? Legs? Abs? Back? How many calories should I eat to lose weight? I am clueless. I just get on and go for 30-40 minutes and hope for the best. I DO change machines every once in awhile but I love the elliptical b/c it doesn't hurt my knees. So I stick to it mostly. I DO take classes every Saturday too, and some of them involve weights.


Anyway, sorry for the WHINE fest? Thanks for "listening".